A Handy Guide to ‘Management Bull’
August 13, 2010 by Simon Oates (Admin)
Filed under Motivation
In the UK, we have a phrase called ‘Management Bull’, which relates to the often meaningless and over-complicated terminology and phrases uttered by managers in meetings, used often with the aim of making the manager look superior, important or (ironically) competent. I’ll be publishing a list below of some classic “management speak“, and you can give yourself a slap on the wrist if you’ve ever used these in conversation. This is a satirical article and shouldn’t be taken too seriously!
A Masterclass in Management Speak: “Ok Jeff, going forward I want to see out-of-the-box thinking, I’ve put forward to the board that I believe a result-based, business-centric and holistic approach, will best serve our bottom line by adding significant value through our core competencies. This proactive approach will be win-win for us and our partners, allowing us to leverage our knowledge base through networking, and ultimately shift the paradigm and break through the benchmark we set ourselves at the start of the year. Jeff, did you get all of that down?”
| “Going forward…” | This effortless phrase has given british management 2 extra seconds of thinking time since 2001, or even longer if one can over exagerate the vowels. |
| “Out of the box thinking” | Because just ‘thinking’ will never bring success. |
| “Lets touch base” | It’s an awkwardly personal sounding request that almost always results in a monologue email. |
| “Strategic Fit” | Managers uttering this phrase have clearly read their ‘Good Management’ manual and discovered that this is apparantly important for all projects. If only we knew how so. |
| “Synergy” | Is it possible that one keyword can increase the impact of a presentation by 77%? Yes, indeed there is. |
| “Value added” | Adding value is a common sense concept that has recently taken to the board room in force, reminding us that yes, some managers do understand how business works. |
| “Holistic approach” | It’s like saying nothing but at the same time, saying… nothing. |
| “Leverage” | Yes leverage was technically the reason why the banking crisis was so extreme, but I doubt managers would have time to reflect upon this fact, as they have meetings to attend you know! |
| “Knowledge Base” | Why have a razor when you can have a Mach 3 Turbo? In the same line of thought, its obviously why people don’t talk of simple ‘knowledge’ anymore. Where’s the macho? |
| “Proactive” | Easily the most overused word by candidates in job interviews, and mysteriously the most lacking characteristic in successful graduate recruits. |
| “Lets get a dialogue going” | Well, you can… do that. I’ll talk instead. |
| “Mission critical” | Were you one of the 99% minority who didn’t realise that their admin work was tremendously vital to ‘the mission’? You’ll soon be convinced otherwise with this solid reaffirmation. |
| “Networking” | Theory is; if you don’t know something, you’ll probably know at least one person who will provide you with a fantastic excuse for not knowing it. |
Some Terrible Real-Life Examples:
“Our linear hierarchy has changed dramatically. There will obviously be some lateral overlaps of responsibilities that won’t cause shrinkage detrimental to service delivery.”“Let’s connect ear-to-ear tomorrow to discuss how we can leverage our B2B synergies in a real-time customizable platform.”“We’re operationalising the strategic infrastructure.”
“This year has seen significant negative growth” (they lost money).
“We need a holistic, cradle-to-grave approach. “
“I’m a one-stop nexus for your outsourcing mandate” (consultant pitching to a client).
“Our organisation has an end-to-end governance framework .”
Your Experiences:
What bizarre and contrived management speak has been flung your way this year? Share it with the community by leaving a comment below!
